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A priest was completing a temperance homily: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”
He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: “Shall We Gather at the River.”
Mortal: What is a million years like to you?
God: Like one second.
Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you?
God: Like one penny.
Mortal: Can I have a penny?
God: Just a second.
Moses was leading the Hebrews to the Red Sea and the Egyptians were coming fast.
Moses turned to his PR agent: "Where are all those boats I told you to get!"
The PR man said, "What boats? You never mentioned boats to me."
"Just great" said Moses; "what am I supposed to do, lift my staff and part the waters?????"
The PR man answered: " If you can pull that one off, I can get you a whole section in the Bible."
A little humor to help you start the work week.
So Jesus came upon a crowd who were about to stone a woman. He looked at the crowd and said "let the person who has not sinned cast the first stone!"
Shortly after saying this a woman came out of the crowd and hurled a stone.
Jesus turned and said, " I hate when you do that Mom."